me heart

God, I feel as though my heart has been on a roller coaster.

I met this Josh, and then I thought he was amazing. I thanmk you that he is here in my life, but i cant date right now. I think you showed me a fragment of what is to come if I do date anyone, I begin to fall away.

God iwant to be grounded with you before I move onto anything. Although my flesh wants a man, want to be loved by poeple, I want to have the heart where I dont need that. Instead, your love iws completely enough with me.

I want to feel that God. .. i want to feel that.

 

Help me God. Thats what I want to feel.

I dont want to feel emotions towards anyone in the wrong way, as friends I want to show love, as support. God take over, I want to feel your love, I want your love to be enough..

I dont want to date, and I want you to take over. Please do God.

 

Thankyoum we pray in Jesus’ name,

Amen –

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First Prayer in CG

God,

As you know, tomorrow night is the first time that I will pray out loud, the first time I will lead prayer for the CG. God, I feel alot of stress, and pressure for some reason – self consciousness issues I guess. But God, I want to make this prayer about you, and not about me God. Ultimately, I want to glorify you and bring our CG members to the heart of worship and prayer. I dont want to make it about myself and ruin it, rather i would like them to be brought to the center of your presence. God help me tonight as I prepare for the prayer, and tomorrow night, as I speak the prayer, that I will always mkae it about you and no other. Especially not me..

God I have a tendency to make it about myself ALL the time. Sometimes its uncontrollable and I cant help it, even when I want it to be about you. But God, I pray that you will give me strength to make it all about you, and make you the focus and attention.

 

Thank you Lord, I know that you will help me and give me strength. For this is prayer and worship – all for you God.

We pray in Jesus’ name,

Amen-

19/03

Dear Lord,

Today was such an interesting day.. To be completely honest, i was extremely rude to the real estate agent – for no reason. I thought that was very foolish of me – considering the fact that you’ve blessed me with everything I need today. It was honestly a very selfish thing to do – and the real estate elderly man was so kind. I apologize for my rudeness God, please forgive me and I hope you will bless that elderly who responded so kindly, in such a loving manner. I only hope he is also a follower of you.

Not only that, I found $800 in my bank account – unbelievable. Usually people would expect their gods to punish them when they do something wrong, yet you reward me even further. I love that in this way I am able to love you even more and reflect on my wrongdoings. Just like that Syrophonecian Gentile woman, help me to always acknowledge how worthless I am compared to you. I think last night when I did my bible study, I really did love every moment of it. You even gave me strength to write 3 pages without falter – usually my hand begins to throb and shake after writing once. But I thankyou, for you gave me faith to have faith in you 🙂 If that makes any sense at all..

Tomorrow is church and honestly I’m slightly scared for PG2 and where I’m at. I feel like sometimes I’m not good enough to be a teacher , nor am I ready.. But then I think about how you’ve aligned Julia and I together, and she is reminded of herself when she sees me. We pray the same way (through journalling) and we have similar family struggles – which helps us to unite even more and depend on each other. We have unity and sometimes thats so difficult to find. I feel like this wasn’t a coincidence and I’m meant to be a teacher because you placed me here. God, help me to have faith in you – because I know that its not by my works that the students get saved but its by yours only. Help me to lean on your strength rather than my own.

I pray for my faith, that I will be able to trust you in all you do – wherever you take me. I pray that you will help me be guided by you with no fluster. God recently for the past days I’ve been thinking a great deal about Alex. I’m not sure if its one of those stupid flimsy feelings I have, or its actual attraction. Usually I would judge someone upon their appearance and personality, but with him I only see who he truly is, his looks dont really matter. In my heart whenever he pops up into my mind, I always react by saying to myself “well hes not good looking so.. you can find someone with cute looks and an amazing personality..” but honestly is that what I really want? Is that what YOU really want?

Honestly I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.. Alex is one of my closest friends, I can speak about You so easily with him, and I can’t with many people. I can keep him accountable but I’m not sure if he can. I remember telling him about a problem I had and he didn’t really help much, maybe I was just not focusing on what he was saying..

Either way, sometimes I get scared and I refuse to not feel anything towards him because he’s so important. There’s some qualities I really dislike about him, then there are some qualities that I really admire. How he never talks back when someone bags him out, how he laughs it off. How he dances so passionately but it looks adorable, how he has the courage to share with everyone in the church of what he felt at Perth. How he looks at me when I’m just being myself dancing away and laughs it off. How he can never get mad at someone for so long and doesn’t like holding grudges – how hes always willing to argue it out. How he isnt afraid of apologizing, and most importantly, how he listens to what you have to say – especially during the times of rebuke. All of this wouldn’t matter if he wasn’t christian, but he is. And he really believes in you God. He really does follow you.. For some reason it feels like I didnt realise some of his good qualities till now.. how strange…

 

God I dont know if hes the one you want me to love and get married to. But Help me to have confidence in you, and to rest in your guidance.

Help us to mature also, and wherever you take us both, give us strength to always stay in communication – because he really is great.

 

Thank you Lord, I think my feelings towards him escalated dramatically after writing this prayer… what a strange thing..

Thank you Lord, I have complete trust in you.

 

We pray In Jesus’ name,  Amen-

My Current Location..

Dear Lord,

Over the couple of days now, I can feel myself becoming more and more distant from you. Working full-time is difficult as it is, but with event management, my hours seem to get more and more consumed… Which makes it even more difficult for me to devote my time to you.

See I usually sleep at 10pm every night – to ensure I get 8 hours of blissful sleep. But right now, I’m trying to set this time to devote to you. It was really tough to even fight my own temptations but I’m here now – thats what really counts.

Working full time has made me realize how serious it is to master the art of self-control. Of course, I cannot do it without you, but I realized that its so difficult to even find time to balance work, community and my alone time with you. I actually fear for my own future – if I find it so difficult to connect with you now, how will it be in the future? Will I be even more distant from you then? because that is by far, the last thing that I would ever want..

Sometimes I get scared – but I do know that I can pray, and that you will listen (even though I don’t deserve it at all..)

So God, I pray..

I pray that you will help me become more disciplined, more self controlled. I pray that you will help me to commit to a better time management structure – rather than “going with the flow” of the day. Please Lord, help me to always feel the need of your presence, help me to feel alone sometimes when I’m astray, so that I may come back to you again.

Help me to never forget who You are, and what You have done for me. You have conquered the grave Lord, You have made Your way and saved people also. Help me Lord, to never forget that, to always know that You are Lord, not me. I am only human, but I know that you have me in your heart, and I You.

I don’t think I realized how important it is to be disciplined at a young age. I really didn’t, But I’m thankful that through this internship I can really see the difficulty of glorifying You through all my actions. Help me to do so, Please Lord.

 

I thank you so much, for everything and everyone. Noone loves like You do-

We pray in Jesus’ name,

Amen,