Today was such an interesting day.. To be completely honest, i was extremely rude to the real estate agent – for no reason. I thought that was very foolish of me – considering the fact that you’ve blessed me with everything I need today. It was honestly a very selfish thing to do – and the real estate elderly man was so kind. I apologize for my rudeness God, please forgive me and I hope you will bless that elderly who responded so kindly, in such a loving manner. I only hope he is also a follower of you.
Not only that, I found $800 in my bank account – unbelievable. Usually people would expect their gods to punish them when they do something wrong, yet you reward me even further. I love that in this way I am able to love you even more and reflect on my wrongdoings. Just like that Syrophonecian Gentile woman, help me to always acknowledge how worthless I am compared to you. I think last night when I did my bible study, I really did love every moment of it. You even gave me strength to write 3 pages without falter – usually my hand begins to throb and shake after writing once. But I thankyou, for you gave me faith to have faith in you 🙂 If that makes any sense at all..
Tomorrow is church and honestly I’m slightly scared for PG2 and where I’m at. I feel like sometimes I’m not good enough to be a teacher , nor am I ready.. But then I think about how you’ve aligned Julia and I together, and she is reminded of herself when she sees me. We pray the same way (through journalling) and we have similar family struggles – which helps us to unite even more and depend on each other. We have unity and sometimes thats so difficult to find. I feel like this wasn’t a coincidence and I’m meant to be a teacher because you placed me here. God, help me to have faith in you – because I know that its not by my works that the students get saved but its by yours only. Help me to lean on your strength rather than my own.
I pray for my faith, that I will be able to trust you in all you do – wherever you take me. I pray that you will help me be guided by you with no fluster. God recently for the past days I’ve been thinking a great deal about Alex. I’m not sure if its one of those stupid flimsy feelings I have, or its actual attraction. Usually I would judge someone upon their appearance and personality, but with him I only see who he truly is, his looks dont really matter. In my heart whenever he pops up into my mind, I always react by saying to myself “well hes not good looking so.. you can find someone with cute looks and an amazing personality..” but honestly is that what I really want? Is that what YOU really want?
Honestly I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.. Alex is one of my closest friends, I can speak about You so easily with him, and I can’t with many people. I can keep him accountable but I’m not sure if he can. I remember telling him about a problem I had and he didn’t really help much, maybe I was just not focusing on what he was saying..
Either way, sometimes I get scared and I refuse to not feel anything towards him because he’s so important. There’s some qualities I really dislike about him, then there are some qualities that I really admire. How he never talks back when someone bags him out, how he laughs it off. How he dances so passionately but it looks adorable, how he has the courage to share with everyone in the church of what he felt at Perth. How he looks at me when I’m just being myself dancing away and laughs it off. How he can never get mad at someone for so long and doesn’t like holding grudges – how hes always willing to argue it out. How he isnt afraid of apologizing, and most importantly, how he listens to what you have to say – especially during the times of rebuke. All of this wouldn’t matter if he wasn’t christian, but he is. And he really believes in you God. He really does follow you.. For some reason it feels like I didnt realise some of his good qualities till now.. how strange…
God I dont know if hes the one you want me to love and get married to. But Help me to have confidence in you, and to rest in your guidance.
Help us to mature also, and wherever you take us both, give us strength to always stay in communication – because he really is great.
Thank you Lord, I think my feelings towards him escalated dramatically after writing this prayer… what a strange thing..
Thank you Lord, I have complete trust in you.
We pray In Jesus’ name, Amen-